I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
