I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
What drink are we having for lunch?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
