dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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