I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
