I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
