i think my tv is drunk
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
