Plan B is the new Plan A
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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