I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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