Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
