just come out here and I will go home with you...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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