Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
