His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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