We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
