brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I faked an abortion last night.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
