I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
