Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
