I want to have your abortion
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize