i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
