This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
