I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize