I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
