I'm really into asian looking animals
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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