Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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