I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize