if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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