either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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