you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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