Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wear drunk well.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
