What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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