haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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