I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
