Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
