Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
