I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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