Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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