i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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