If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
