you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
