Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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