my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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