i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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