i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
vagina is talking i cant
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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