i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
