I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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