she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
