yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
