You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
