We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just made out with a guy for $7.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
