You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
