The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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