The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
