i think i have two assholes
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize