let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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