Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize