Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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