I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
