i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
