I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
