what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
