You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
