My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
