life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
