I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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