When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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