Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
