Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
