Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Randomize
