It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it because I queefed?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
